As a female, most of the relationship conversations I overhear and partake in (I can feel you judging me already) revolve around one phrase - "I know he (or she) isn't good for me, but I just can't leave."
Why do we stay? What possible reasoning could we have to justify staying in a poisonous relationship? And to that point, this applies to poisonous friendships as well.
Now don't think that I'm just standing on my soap box preaching about how women are crazy for staying in bad relationships. I've been there. I stayed in an extremely tumultuous relationship for a long time and I used every excuse in the book.
Examples:
- He needs me
- He's in such a vulnerable place right now
- I don't want to hurt him
- I would be proving him right - everyone leaves him
- I would be proving him right - no one loves him unconditionally
- I don't know how to be without him
- I have so much stuff at his place, like all my DVDs
Hindsight is 20/20, right? Looking back on it, I am so thankful that I got out, but I wish I had listened to my instincts when they told me this little gem:
"You've outgrown him," said my instincts.
Sometimes we outgrow relationships and friendships, but if we would just let them go when they first reach that point, then we would significantly minimize the amount of hurt feelings. It's when we cling to the relationship - trying to force it to work - that it becomes poisonous.
When we outgrow clothes we get rid of them don't we? For those of us who have tried to squeeze into a pair of too small blue jeans, it makes you look pretty "People of Walmart" doesn't it? So why would we do the equivalent in our relationships? We deserve more than a muffin top caused by last year's too tight jeans.
We should just listen to our instincts. But where's the fun in that, right?
... I couldn't help but wonder... Just kidding, only the real Carrie Bradshaw can pull that off.
No comments:
Post a Comment